uncertainty vs. certainty

at times, it is difficult to stay together when feelings are involved in so much of what we do and how we make decisions. it would naturally be much easier if we could go along through life and not care or form an attachment to anything or anyone that might be scary or seem risky. that is a skill i have yet to master and doubt i ever will.

my feelings and emotions are so much apart of who i am. i know i have said that before but it continues to hold strongly true. i can not say i always know what to do with my feelings or handle them in the best possible ways. however, i do know that when i love something or someone and feel passionate...i feel so with all of myself...heart and soul.

i have been told that this being one of my greatest traits, is also one of my greatest weaknesses, but it makes me, me. i am not sure i would identify this as a weakness exactly. i am not ashamed i am this way; it just makes for a tougher road at times it seems. i let people get close to me and give them the best parts of me, sometimes with out knowing, at least till it is too late.

perhaps i want too much or push too hard. it is difficult to live in and with uncertainty. i am uncertain about so many things right now. i do not know what i am going to do after i graduate; i do not even know what i 'want' to do. there are no specifics. i know i want a great job that i love doing. what is that? doesn't everyone want that? i want to move; the question would be where? i even have uncertainties about whether i am even good at what i love to do. perhaps, that shouldn't matter as long as i love to do it and it moves me in a positive direction.

even with all the things i am uncertain about, it is the certainties that keep me grounded and lets me know that things are going to be okay. knowing the things that i do know-that my family loves and supports for me, that i am a skilled and capable person, knowing i do love with all myself, knowing i have a few good friends, knowing of the few wonderful things and people that i enjoy and wouldn't give up for anything-these are the things that let me know i am going to end up right where i need to be.

knowing these things gives me hope, hope that i will eventually find the answers to the things that i am most uncertain about now. it is hard to find the strength to keep wanting to know. i am most certain that the people i love and the things i love are what are important to me. i am certain that leading with my heart will find me uncertain at times, but will be the most rewarding journey(s) i will experience.

why?

why is it the things we really want to hear from those we love are the things we only hear from strangers?

why is the one thing we despise the most is the one thing the person we love the most does or says?

why is it that when you really have to go to the bathroom, i mean really have to go, do things, people, processes take so much longer?

photo friday-unexpected

the working man.nikon n65 

photo friday's theme this week is "unexpected"

30 things i love about him...

sleeping.nikon n65 

-that he makes me laugh so hard i snort
-the way he likes to touch my feet under the covers
-when he sings softly in my ear
-that i don't mind when he tickles me
-that he looks so cute sporting his wolverine hair
-that he lets me be myself
-that he finally gave flip flops a chance
-that he lets me sleep on "my" side of the bed
-he never seems or shows he’s annoyed by all my anxious tendencies
-he's creative-wonderful poet!
-he's a wonderful conversationalist
-he makes me want more
-the comfort i feel when i am with him
-that his second toe is longer than his first toe
-how he likes to mess up my hair
-how much i enjoy spending time with him
-how we talk in bed
-that he doesn't mind that i am goofy-he is too!
-that he could craft something entirely of leftover pizza boxes and empty coke bottles
-that he now orders pizza with green peppers
-how i never want to forget to tell him something
-that he lets me draw smiles on his big toe
-the way he rubs my back when i don't feel well
-the way he waits to eat with me no matter how late i am
-that he tells me about his dreams
-that he's introduced me to many new things
-the way he's always been willing to let me take his picture
-when he keeps me up all night because he's full of thoughts, words and no sleepiness
-that he likes strawberry preserves
-that he likes to share things with me

happy birthday christopher...

photo friday-speed

angi.nikon n65 

photo friday's theme this week is "speed"